This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
