i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
