Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize