Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize