Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
