so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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