he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
