How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found the puke drawer
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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