Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
