I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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