i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need to align my fucking chakras
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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