Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
