he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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