her vagina looked like bernie madoff
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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