Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize