Im at strip club and am horny
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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