I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
