I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
