i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
