is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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