I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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