Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
