I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
