Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if only i could text you this smell
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
