I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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