She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
