Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
