Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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