My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
