The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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