I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
