I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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