I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
