week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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