K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
