I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
