at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
