I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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