whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
