hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
