I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
