I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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