You kept calling me your small dog last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
