I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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