Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
