..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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