Im at strip club and am horny
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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