He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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