she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize