Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You ate ashes out of my bong
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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