life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
