I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
