im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
