Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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