I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
