Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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