sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
