I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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