and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
