There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
