Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
