if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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