but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
