no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
