There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
