why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
