carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
