i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize