I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
