you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
