i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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