You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
