Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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