I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize