No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
