Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
