Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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