when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
