I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
