There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
