Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
