We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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