Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
