And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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