my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
